Chapter 1. The beginning.

27 May

“You’re not what you are, you’re what people think you are”

The last year of school for me was hell. In my first year at sixth form I had made the mistake of only making friends with the year above me, which meant that after they left I was for the most part friendless. I had fallen out with my friends from outside of school and due to the wonders of Facebook spreading everything, pretty much everyone in the school was against me as well.

Rumours (most of them true) flew around and any level of popularity that I had vanished. I was left to sit by myself in the library every break. Dinner time was spent in starvation because it was better to starve than to sit on my own in the dining hall. The ‘uncool’ kids who had spent their whole school lives in the same situation wouldn’t even be my friends. They looked at me with contempt. I guess they thought, rightly, that I deserved it.

After removing the old friends from Facebook and moving to Uni at the other end of the country, I realised I could start again. A brand new fresh start in which no one knows me. I could be everything I wanted to be. Pretty, popular, funny, cute and everything else the superficial people see the perfect girl being. I made the mistake of believing that being myself would be good enough. After having to move out of student halls early because everyone hated me, realising the person I loved had been cheating on me and falling in to a depressed self loathing mind set, I realised I had to change.

The world wasn’t out to get me. I was out to get myself.

A sad fact of life is that you aren’t what you are, you’re what people think you are. This is my journey to become the person I always wanted to be. I feel that being yourself will allow people to like you if you are genuinely a nice person and happy with yourself. However the person I was, was not likeable or happy. Something had to change and that was me.

This could act as a warning against being fake or it could act as an inspiration to change those bits of yourself that you don’t like. I am not at the end yet so cannot see how this is going to change my life. I wish everyone who is going to join me on this path luck and I hope it turns out well, for all of us. I need this.

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One Response to “Chapter 1. The beginning.”

  1. ReeRee Rockette May 31, 2011 at 3:38 pm #

    I am a believer in faking it till you make it, and also in the power we all have to live the life we choose. I changed myself, and wish you luck in finding what you are looking for!

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